So who am I

My name is Bill.

  • I have been married for 14 years, I have two lovely children and a fantastic long suffering wife.
  • I live in a house with a dog and a cat, I have two cars in the drive.
  • I am an employer, I employ two members of staff.
  • I am a professional and enjoy a good salary
  • I am a regular attender at AA meetings, I am a sponsor and have been sober for over 19 years. I practice the programme of AA’s 12 steps every day to the best of my ability
  • I attend two meetings a week at least
  • I have had the same sponsor for over 19 years
  • I have a father, a mother, a sister and a brother.

In fact reading this I am a pretty normal person with a fair amount of responsibility.

I have two therapists and have been in therapy for over 1000 years.   Every week I practice exposure work for agoraphobia. Even when I fail I keep trying over and over again using all of the tools at my disposal. Some days are better than others.

My upbringing was not really standard, with two traumas in my early years and strict parents who thought that the minute you left hospital you were cured I learnt that the way to get on in my family was to not be ill ever. Illness meant Mum had to have time of work, it was a major inconvenience. When I broke my neck I tried to cure it myself through lying there very still without a pillow. I had learned previously to switch off from pain. (See here)

they were very kind and supportive, but the minute I left hospital I was not fine.

No being OK was not OK in our house. How you looked and what you say were far more important than love and support. My parents were not monsters, they were just busy doing there thing. Also you could never sit down and do nothing. Every Sunday you would be up by 10am and straight into the garden to start digging. In the holidays you were given a list of chores to do.

Not surprising every one left. It was not a relaxing place to be. I left at 13 to go to boarding school, my brother became a hippy and left at 18, my sister at 16 to another school. After that no-one came home except during the holidays and only then when my parents went on holiday.