Everyone is dissociative to a degree

Sometimes it’s normal

Everyone is familiar with the expression when they say “a part of me wants to stay in the part of me really want to go out, I can’t decide etc.”.

Everyone is aware that they’re differently with their family than with their boss, or with friends or husband wife or partner. No one would say that this is anything other than normal

With close friends and family, you may of hear someone say I don’t want to talk about it, or “we don’t talk about that”. These are also parts formed from a memory or an unpleasant or painful time in a person’s life.

This is perfectly normal.

When things go wrong is when the parts are denied or in conflict.  These parts are pushed away, they are denied

An average person has 3-4 parts. I have 14.  All of the parts represent a trauma or a difficult emotional time when I could not cope.

What parts are talking about

A part is really an emotional experience that has been compartmentalised and then buried as far down as they can go. When triggered and these parts clamor for attention the fact that they were so deadly (life threatening) the mind reacts by trying to distance itself from them.

But they come out sideways. If emotions are energy, then energy has to go somewhere. So if something triggers a memory then dissociation kicks in and derealisation gets worse

I am immune to high pain. When I broke my neck I did not feel a thing. My neck was stiff but not painful. It is on my medical notes, ‘patient apparently feels not pain.’

The reality is that I am not immune to pain, I dissociate from it so well that it is not felt.

They are not my feelings, memories, trauma, if they did happen they did not matter.

Unfortunately as the number of parts becomes larger,  the effort and emotional energy to keep them down becomes immense. They start coming out sideways in the form of alcoholism, drug addiction, depression, anxiety and acting out.

Unfortunately these parts can be triggered by a memory, a sound or a smell, when this happens a dissociative will do everything they can to unremembered.

As new traumas occur more parts are added. What worked last year to keep me safe from these memories does not work and dissociation becomes more pronounced. The parts or memories always come out sideways as they are not  processed memories they remain half in the past and half in the present, ghosts.

Next:To get there I need to tell you about trauma.